I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I'm getting married
To pizza
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
