I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
