That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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