Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
