i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
