Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
