Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
i am craving dick and cupcakes
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
