I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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