im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
