wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
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