Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
