dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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