I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
