they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
