Your mouth is God's brothel.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
