i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
