So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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