Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
