it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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