I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
