the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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