did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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