That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
