He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
