not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
