He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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