Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
