just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
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