Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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