How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
