and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
