just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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