I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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