you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
