she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
