if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
