May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
