I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
