Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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