I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
vagina is talking i cant
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
So much Jack, so little girl.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
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