Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
