I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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