Please, let me fuck your mom
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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