You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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