one two three fourrrrnication!
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
