I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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