I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
