I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
