bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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