It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
