Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
