I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
