Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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